The Amanda Cares Foundation

Hey guys, since I’m back, I will be checking this tumblr frequently. If you’re hurting, if you’re sad, if you’re alone, if you’re depressed, if you’re cutting, if you’re suicidal, if you’re anorexic, if you’re bulimic, if you have any problems in your life that you just can’t handle on your own, even if they’re minor; I just want you to know that I’m here. My ask box is open. Message me anonymously, with your name, privately, I don’t care. I’m here. I always will be. I don’t care who you are or what you’ve done. I won’t judge. I will help you. Don’t be afraid to ask. I love you all and you’re all beautiful. No one should ever feel alone. <3

Personal Tumblr:

herexwexgoxagain.tumblr.com/ask

The Amanda Cares Foundation:

theamandacaresfoundation.tumblr.com/ask

http://herexwexgoxagain.tumblr.com/

I’m Kenzie and Amanda was my upstairs neighbor and close friend. I won’t post my Facebook, but above is my personal tumblr.

Hey there followers! So, I know I’ve been pretty inactive on here for awhile. I’m sorry about that. The whole thing with Amanda kind of took awhile to sink in and it hit me pretty hard. I couldn’t come on this tumblr without crying anymore. I just wasn’t strong enough to handle it at the time…

Anyways, I’m back now! Since my last log in, I’ve had a couple of dreams with visits from Amanda. I wanted to share my most recent one. Why? Because I know that a lot of her friends were devastated over her death and sometimes sadness turns into anger and that’s what happened to me. So here it goes..

Last summer, I dated this guy (I don’t want to say his name, so lets go with Bob). Anyways, he dumped me. I was crazy about him and he dropped me like I was nothing. So, after a couple nights after that crazy hurricane New York got, me and Amanda were out in our back yard (she was my upstairs neighbor). In my most recent dream, that night was recreated. We were wearing the same clothes, it was nice out, and I was depressed. However, instead of Amanda going on about how she was going to kill “Bob” for hurting her Kenzie so much, she was saying “Kenzie, I don’t understand why everyone’s so upset.”

“What’re you talking about, Amanda..?” I asked her.

“I’m happy now. I’m not hurting anymore. Why does it kill everyone to see me so happy?” That’s what she told me.

I don’t know why, but I felt myself getting so angry.. “It’s killing us because we don’t get to see it. We don’t get to see you. You left us.” I sounded so harsh and I hated talking to her like that. I don’t get to talk to her that often and when I do get these rare opportunities I don’t want to waste them on anger.

In my dream I was crying at this point. I was so upset and so mad. I hated feeling like this towards her, but I couldn’t control it.

”.. But I see you guys. I’m watching over you guys.” She told me.

“You didn’t have to leave to do that, Amanda. You didn’t have to destroy all your friends and family.”

I felt horrible because I was getting so mad at her. But, I couldn’t help it. She left us and she has no idea how much it hurt.

I don’t know if she can hear me, I don’t know if I’ll see her again. If I do, I don’t know how long it’ll be till then. But I’m sorry that I got so mad at her. I regret it so much. I love her like a sister and the fact that she’s gone, eats away at me everyday.. I guess my sadness finally turned to anger in that dream. I don’t know if I’m the only one this happened to, but if it happened to anyone else then just know you’re not alone, and it’s completely normal. Don’t feel bad if you get angry at her. Just know that she didn’t do it to hurt any of her loved ones, she did it to help herself.